This was a big moment in my professional career, it was the first time I was ready to stand up to the 'world' with my knowledge and expertise in the Computer Science field. Keep in mind, for me, at this stage, having struggled immensely in the 'normal' educational System of Design, this was a Shazam moment! I had no University degree, only high school education and the crazy wits of survival about me.
I was still riding the high from my first entrepreneurial venture I started at 22 years of age, but in this area, I was 'new' since my education lacked severally against my fellow colleagues (however, my hidden abilities to make things happen are what brought me up to par). Having been centre stage in other ways before, I instantly knew I could do it.
Well, more like it’s always been that ace up my sleeve, that A-DHD one. Of course, at this time, I didn’t realize why i was able to do the things I did, they just did. During those years, since I had no deep understanding of my Gift, it was running on auto pilot. My innate abilities to make thing's happen, my raw coding experience from the age of eight and my business experience; organizing magazine articles, writing poetry and stories, being in front of the camera’s, surviving on the streets…all of that in my early years was purely driven by my ADHD Gift.
I was still finding myself at this stage, but what I knew within my heart was that I wasn’t afraid to fail. I was built from failure in those times and all I had now to show was my success. I still failed, don’t get me wrong, but the fear was no longer there because I knew I’d instantly grow stronger from at least trying what others couldn’t or said I couldn’t do. Anything I didn’t succeed at, triggered the ‘anger’ from the ‘Dark Side’ (yaya, 6 months until Star Wars!!) of the ADHD and within my mind, I would replay those instances over and over: “why did it fail, what happened, why did I do that instead of this…”…each moment I’m roleplaying a different scenario, analyzing the outcomes, continually looking to simplify…and then finally, I’d try again..and again…and each repeat, a new success, a new success followed by a new unknown…and my self-evolution continued.
So you could imagine the excitement I was stressing when I was going to put myself on top shelf with the colleagues I respected the most in my field. Not only did I get an article into one of the leading edge magazines of the time, but I made front page. I even organized the picture and cover design. The running joke with my first ever article was: ‘Those are really my Balls on the front cover, I did that!’. Just a note: while I did supply the idea and image of the Windows’ System Monitoring ball’s, it was an actual graphics professional that organized everything else, I am in no way, UI oriented… Still! I had the balls to stand up in front of my peers, point out something that was missed, something that was said could never be done at the time and I did it, I found a solution. Even now, I can still feel and draw energy from that moment it created within me. How you might ask?
Well, back then I couldn’t tell you, only that I feel it, simple as that. But what I can tell you now, from the realms of new Scientific discoveries that I’ve chosen to educate myself on (along with many other matters), that it has to do with the Episodic region of our brain. Studies have found that ADHD individual’s are able to tap into this region of the brain’s memory storage system more intensely than normal. What get’s stored here are significant moments of a person’s life. Not only can we access it, but we can replay within it both in 1'st person and 3’rd person points of view. When we detach into a 3’rd person view, we are removed from the emotions caused during that intense Moment of Record, but if we are to play within first person, now we can draw on the intense emotions and use that to fuel ourselves. Unfortunately, for many that aren’t aware of their ADHD Gift, never mind this tiny detail of how the Episodic Region works, if you don’t pull away or become trapped in unknown despair, secondary symptoms like depression or even mania can erupt, causing a whole host of other issues.
Coming back to the present, that was just one of many key self-building States of Self I took in my life, each a next step leading to where I am now in my career: An Architect of Life. I will bring hope back for Humanity in ways yet thought of, just like I’ve done for myself and others my whole life; though on much smaller scales then, each was still a golden brick up the Great Pyramid, towards the top where I now stand. From up here, I see the true and ultimate job an Architect aspire’s to be: one that looks to create signs of Hope where none have existed, I understand this now. I will lift the bar and paint the vision, raise the money and create the Applications we’ll need. All this is nothing I haven’t done before, the big difference now is that I don’t do it for myself, I do it for everyone around the world, the 5 billion+ that need our help. I have faith in Humanity, parts of it are happening all around us every given moment. In this great time of need, of change that must happen, we can Unite as a people, we can Believe as One and help everyone reach a new State of Enlightenment, together. The trick of course, to making all this happen, lies within the Chaos Of The Unknown, something that myself, along with many others like me, are not afraid of venturing within.
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